That's something I have learned to do this summer. I've been forced to slow down, and in slowing down I have noticed so many sunsets, fluffy clouds, all the different scents and feels of the air. Without being able to really afford new clothes or many time consuming activities to be involved in, I have had to enjoy the beautiful things that already exist around me, the things that are free.
Nature is something I always appreciated and respected as a child. I would take a book and binoculars and a journal and climb a tree, or wander into the middle of a corn field and just sit and watch nature. The trees swaying in the wind, the birds flying over me, I could be completely lost in my imagination until dark. And I had forgotten about the way that felt.
Sometimes, your warm bed isn't enough without cool raindrops splashing on your face. Sometimes your ideal relationship isn't enough and you have to take a painful but refreshing journey into reality to really appreciate the things that last. I want to get back to my roots. Right now I'm remembering how to write again just to help myself survive. But when I get over this hump of pain, I hope I can go deeper than that. I hope I can learn to thrive in the way that is the most natural for me. I hope I don't need to deny my identity and immerse myself in something fleeting just to look for happiness. I hope no matter how busy I look, I'll never forget to look up at the sky. I'm so much smaller than I think I am, and my problems are smaller still, because they do not define me.
I'm taking a world religion's class, and the one thing that every religion we have studied so far seems to have in common is the need for stillness. Call it meditation, prayer, whatever you want. I think there's something to that. No matter what god you serve, if you want to be focused and renewed, you have to be still. Maybe to heal you have to be still. To learn you have to be still. That is what nature gives me. Stillness. I hope I never lose it.
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