Happening

I can’t believe this is

happening

like the fairy tale of

my life finally

happening

Like you peeled away

the layers

and opened up the pages

and finally someone liked

what they

saw in there

And I was afraid

so afraid

to let you in

but you pushed

just a little

so I let you win

and I don’t think

I’ll regret it

no matter what’s ahead

’cause I’m healed and

transformed

by everything you’ve said

You can’t seem

to contain it

and that undoes

my resistance

and I begin to trust

you and your gentle insistence

and I gave you

everything dead and dry inside

with a bitter smile

waiting for you to

give up trying

And you look in my eyes

hypnotized

and you fan a spark

and I’m alight

and I’m dreaming again

and I’m terrified

and I’m breathing you in

as our stories collide

and I melt on your chest

putty in your hands

but you don’t take advantage

and I don’t understand

This is impossible

this is surreal

I’m so overwhelmed

I don’t know what to feel

consume

believe

love

desire

accept

embrace

inspire

me

you

are becoming

consistency

hope

addictive

hope

my best friend

hope

so hold me

tight

hold me…

I can’t believe this is happening

birds

her wings are spread, she's stuck here on the ground. she's not heavy, she's my world, i'll carry her around

lately i have just fallen in love with birds...

i love the freedom they represent. the fact that they can just go whenever, wherever

i'm like a bird, i only fly away, i don't know where my soul is, i don't know where my home is

and then there's the irony of a cage.



and that part is kind of sad. that a creature with total freedom and so much beauty would be caged. that its wings would be clipped. that it would be stuck within one square foot of living space when it has all the blue skies of our world to explore.

may 15, 2008 i wrote "i am not a child with a skinned knee. I am not even a teenager with a broken heart. I’ve moved to a new level. I’m a broken spirit, a broken smile; I’m a bird with broken wings – unsure of my purpose and only able to see from the perspective of one grounded. My heart is so desperate for something it can’t have that it gives up what it already possesses." - and o how little has changed in ways. but in so many ways, so much has changed.

because the thing a bird caged and the thing a bird in the air have in common at ALL times is this - no one can steal their song away from them, even if they try. the only one who can stop their singing is themselves.

though my song be taken from me, yet will i sing

every season shall fade away, either in bursts of hopeful song, or in suffering silence. i shall not lose my voice.

"Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her; still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings."

i want to thank everyone for all of your encouragement. you help remind me that inside me lies a song of victory and freedom, of hope and of life. no cage, self imposed or otherwise, can keep this voice contained.

i know this wasnt very eloquent. just a mess, like my thoughts.