i always have been a holder. i hold so tightly to my past that i miss out on the beauty around me. i think with being a deep thinker too, i have realized that and over the years gotten to a point where i so aggressively try to avoid that pain, that when i enter into a new place, a new time, a new season of my life... i cut away the past.
i don't regret any of my decisions, but im beginning to regret my lost connections. i am so unsure of where my life is heading, tho i am assured that the steps im taking right now will eventually lead me there. but i think i am coming out of these two extremes i have swung between throughout my life and a steadiness is settling over me. the past, the present and the future in perfect balance, flowing together through my heart.
i don't know. its just one of those things that doesnt come out in words... its the pulsing in my veins, its the tears in my eyes. i wish i could write those things. if i could, i would forever hold some audience or another captive. i guess for now its just my audience of one feeling every jagged breath and catching my tears even as they fall. and that is more than enough for me.
