It's funny how a change of perspective seems to change your circumstances, even when your circumstances don't change at all.

Like how all the pain and frustration, the tears I've been crying, the distance I've felt from Him has made me feel so alone..

but really its a testament to His faithfulness. It's proof that my heart remains soft.

So how can I doubt this is a place He has led me, and He is in it with me.

He has never left or forsaken me. His promises remain, even when I don't see them at work.

And it's not about me anymore. It's about His purposes.

The hopes and dreams in the core of my heart that I've buried with despair and doubt are being shaken from their sleep. There is something for me here. There is something for my generation here. There is an end to the apathy. There is passion. There is life, real life. There is a cloud breaking right here, and there is no need to run away to feel the rain. It can rain on us. And I will call it forth.

"Remove the deferred and you have hope" - Norm Willis

ughhhhhh

ive always had something deep and sad and strange and unsatisfied festering in me, as far back as i can remember.

but ive always had words to express it, at least partially.

i hate that i no longer have words. i try and try... i try not to try. and everything i write is just... blegh

and i don't know how to process anything if i'm like that.

i find myself wishing... wishing.. things i won't even say out loud because they are too scary

maybe thats my problem.

but i dont know how much i can trust...

i'm so tired of loving

and losing.

it's just like, what i was made for.

sometimes i just think some people were created to be happy, and others were created to carry the weight of all the things others don't feel.

probably completely selfish and immature of me, im probably just being weak and pathetic.

i wish i knew what to do to stop being like this.

i wish i would run out of tears.

i wish i wasnt stupid and emo enough to write all this on a blog.

:(