i failed a performance test in health skills today.

why is it every time i fail everything in me just screams to give up? why am i so quick to give up?

i feel like im overwhelmed right now. i have way too much on my plate and im so tired i cant chew any of it anyway.

my heart is stirring and begging to spill itself out into a poem too... but i just cant seem to create the words with my heart like i used to be able to.

the good thing about me being so stubborn, is that even when my heart breaks it just strengthens my resistance. i refuse to bow to circumstances. i will overcome. and i guess thats the first step to overcoming - knowing i can.

i've been struggling so much with my confidence lately. things i have never been self conscious about have been areas ive seen and started hating lately.

yesterday at work i was singing to myself while i worked. some lady told me i had a beautiful voice and to never stop singing.

moments like that make me believe dreams come true :)

just in case anyone was thinking about dating someone you only see once a week or less, it sucks.

just in case anyone was thinking it was a good idea to go to work full time and school full time, its exhausting

just saying.

such a long day

and a long week for that matter

i hate it when i fail at loving

i hate failing in general, but when it has to do with my performance, it may draw tears... when it has to do with that moment where you look in someones eyes and see pain or fear, and knowing you put it there... it tears my heart in two.

i don't want t0 be the one harboring that knife inside my tongue, the one that cuts people down. i don't want to hurt precious people.

this seems to be a theme for me. THE theme. i guess of my life. that i want to be known for my love. i just have to remember that doing it perfect isnt so much the goal as doing it for real.

there is nothing like waking up before the sun, lighting a candle, putting in my ipod, and dreaming awake for an hour.

i don't ever want to wear my faith as a title, defining myself as "a christian" and separating myself from others. let me be known for my LOVE.

i want to never forget the trials i have been through. i want to remember both how blessed i am to be spared of so much, but also the way that all my pain has been redeemed. even when it was so deep i didn't think i could bear it another second, He never left my side. and that is enough for me.

i want to thank everyone who has been there to listen, everyone who has encouraged and kept loving me throughout my trials. the smallest things - the comment here, the text message there, the hugs and laughter, they mean so much to me. these things, the demonstrations that i am loved, are the reality my emotional response to circumstance blinds me from. and when you tear that veil, if only for a moment, it makes all the difference.

i am seeing my deepest heart cry answered in the most strangely unexpected fashion. the smallest things i could brush off, but when i look around, like, REALLY look around, its like He's screaming YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!!

and i finally believe him

Just overwhelmed by His faithfulness.

Overcome with passion.

Feel like I can overcome any obstacle.. which is rare.

So impassioned for what lies ahead.

What a beautiful adventure I'm in the midst of.