"So stand in the rain, stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down, you stand through the pain, you won't drown... And one day, whats lost can be found."It's rainy season finally, and I couldn't be happier. I love everything about the rain. I love the way it looks outside, I love the way it smells, I love the feeling of it on my skin, I love seeing the raindrops splash into the puddles they are forming.
A lot of people are worried here because of the horrible flooding a couple of years ago... but I am too happy to be worried right now. :) I feel like I have somehow won a battle. Like what is happening outside of my window is simultaneously happening in my spirit, in my heart. It was 8 months ago I felt the Lord tell me He was leading me into the desert. That He was going to strip away all the things I had used to give me a sense of security and identity apart from Him. That it was going to be dry and painful and confusing. I said yes and let Him lead me there, through one plan after another falling through, losing relationships, missing the sound of His voice. I soaked my pillow in tears numerous times, I poured out my heart on paper over and over, I asked Him questions I had never dared to ask before. Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom, it seemed I began to fall down even further.
But inside I knew it wouldn't last forever. I tried everything I could to keep my heart soft and not just lie down, defeated in the face of my emotions and circumstances. I failed many times, but I never let go of hope.
And now, it seems, clouds have formed and they are beginning to break over my desert. Refreshing and life-giving rain is spilling out over my world. Drowning my fears and washing away my doubts. I have learned to trust. I have learned how to keep hope alive. I have learned to find beauty in a place that seems to lack abundantly in every way. I have learned... I am learning.
The desert and parched land will be glad, the wilderness will rejoice and blossom... water will gush forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert. The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs... and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away."
<3
YAY!!!
ReplyDeleteAww, it's really raining here too.... love you. Enjoy. :)
ReplyDeleteI have no real words for this post- but realize how incredibly insufficient my last comment was. I'm celebrating with you Abby- I'm proud of you, grateful that you just keep pushing into Him with every breath, be it painful or pleasurable. Keep blessing the Lord. You are beautiful and tender and adored. :) You have been treated as a daughter.
ReplyDeleteYou encourage me to press in and not quit.
Oh Abby, this is incredible. Not just the writing, but the reality and heart behind this. Thank you for letting us into a glimpse of your journey. I didn't even know these things. And wow, saying yes to God about that was such a noble thing to do--it's very inspiring. God is taking me to a place I believe where I will be willing to do something like that to, that I will be willing to do whatever He asks of me, not for the benefit, but for Him. I love you, and thank you for being so vulnerable. You have a powerful voice!
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