Gimli: Tell me, Legolas, why did I come on this quest? Little did I know where the chief peril lay! Truly Elrond spoke, saying that we could not foresee what we might meet upon our road. Torment in the dark was the danger that I feared, and it did not hold me back. But I would not have come, had I known the danger of light and joy. Now I have taken my worst wound at this parting, even if I were to go this night straight to the dark lord.
Legolas: Such is the way of it, to find and lose, as it seems to those whose boat is on the running stream. But I count you blessed, Gimli son of Gloin: for your loss you suffer of your own free will, and you might have chosen otherwise.
Isn't this such a picture of life? I fear for the worst... but the worst is easy compared to the best. Life is made up of giving regardless of what the future holds. Home is within the deposits you make in the lives of others. Love is wherever you have made a heart connection with someone else. Often I have wished to be what seems "normal". To have roots without wings. But instead it seems over and over I am called to pour myself into something or someone and then removed from it. Or I give everything I have and never see the fruit.
Now I have begun to notice this pattern in my life, and I have a natural way of dealing; I pull away. I try not to care so much, or not to give as deeply. But when I do... I live restlessly. And so I begin to see that the dark and dangerous things are the predictable pains, the ones I would choose for myself; the ones I know I can handle. But the light and joy, this I am only worthy to encounter and participate in by His grace and will, and the pain I endure in it is the highest. To pour out my whole heart over and over again to those I have been given to love is an honor beyond measure. May I forever suffer the loss of myself into the joy of relationship at my own free will, and be ruined for anything less.
<3
"Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings, Mel."
ReplyDeleteLol...your post reminded me of this line
So good ab:)
haha yeah i was thinking of that when i wrote it... problem is its painful to have both
ReplyDeleteAbs, I LOVE you! "Problem is its painful to have both." This makes me want so badly you were sitting beside me drinking hot chocolate and talking. I love your heart Ab.
ReplyDeleteSome are called to live in tension, it isn't comfortable, but its worth it. They can hold wait, and they hold the contradictions and the extremems together. They bring unity. They rest at great heights, while they're tethered to wide cliffs. They see the depths right below they could fall to, and in their faithfulness they save others from that fall.
Thats where those with both wings and roots abide.
wow... that is a mess. *wish. *it's. *weight.
ReplyDeleteMmmmmmmm.... so good Kati. I'm gonna hold onto that. Feels like the call on my life that Im often too overwhelmed to see.
ReplyDelete